Hey there, wonderful people! Today, we’re diving into a topic that’s close to my heart and, I’m sure, many of yours too – LGBTQ+ family planning. Our culture has been building family in beautiful, inventive, and unconventional ways for centuries. And today we are lucky to have more resources and options available to make our family dreams into realities.

But let’s be real – the path to parenthood for us queer folks can feel like navigating a maze sometimes. But you know what? That’s okay! Every family’s story is different and has to start somewhere.

So, where do we begin? Let’s break it down:

1. Know Your Options

First things first, educate yourself on the various paths to parenthood. We’ve got adoption, surrogacy, sperm or egg donation, co-parenting arrangements – the list goes on! Each option has its own set of considerations, so it’s worth doing your homework. There are some great books out there that dive deep into these topics. Here are a few of our top recommendations.

2. Health Check-In

Before embarking on this journey, it’s a good idea to get a health check-up. I know, I know. It’s like…I’m fine! But for those considering biological options, fertility testing can provide valuable insights. And if you are working with an egg donor or surrogate you’ll have to jump through all those hoops anyway. Better to do it now so you can get ahead of any issues before you’ve shelled out too much cash. And trust me…you will shell out cash. There are simple at-home fertility testing kits for women and for men that make this process more accessible and private.

3. Talk to your Partner(s)

Baby talk can bring up all kinds of things for a couple. Financial concerns, lifestyle questions, domestic equity. If you’re thinking about kids, it’s important to have some very direct conversations with the person you intend to co-parent with to make sure you are both on the same page about what you want your family building to look like and how you want to parent. These conversations can be beautiful, but also surprising. My husband and I worked with a couples therapist for a few sessions to help us navigate these conversations, which I highly recommend.

4. Explore Donor Options

If you’re considering using a sperm or egg donor, get ready for a throwback to being on the dating apps. I have never been more heterosexual than when swiping through egg donors looking for a match. It’s a fun but time consuming process. And so personal! There are lots of great resources out there. Stay tuned for a post offering a quiz for you and your partner to identify the right donor traits for you, and where to find that special someone. Take your time with this decision – it’s a big one!

5. Preserve Your Fertility

For those not quite ready to start a family but wanting to keep options open, sperm or egg freezing might be worth considering. This is becoming increasingly common, especially for career-focused women. Egg freezing is a great insurance policy, but can be emotionally and financially exhausting so be sure to gather resources to make sure it’s the right time for you to take that step.

6. DIY or Medical Assistance?

Depending on your situation, you might be looking at at-home insemination or medical interventions like IUI or IVF. Different ways, different risks, and difference price points. For the DIY route, there are at home insemination kits available from companies like Mosie Baby, which offer the first FDA cleared kit for home use to make the process more straightforward and comfortable. For a medical route, here is a map of fertility agencies resources across the US to find one close to you that has been approved and vetted by FamilyEquality.org.

7. Financial Recon

Depending on how you want to build your family, it can be a very costly barrier to entry. There are some loans available, but take a good hard look at your finances and start planning. The day my husband and I found out we were pregnant we were both thrilled and suddenly terrified about the financial journey ahead. We drained our savings to get pregnant…so what do we do when the kids arrive!? Plan, plan, plan. We’ve been trying out apps to save for our family goals which has been good but also a lot of trail and error. Stay tuned for a forthcoming post comparing the different apps and resources available and a guide to the financial picture for aspiring parents.

8. Emotional Support

Let’s not forget the emotional aspect of this journey. It can be a rollercoaster, folks! Don’t hesitate to seek support, whether it’s through LGBTQ+ groups or professional counseling. Remember, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to family planning. What matters most is that you’re creating a family filled with love.

So, my lovely queer family planners, I know this is a lot to take in. A LOT! And it will all be worth it. Just breathe and start where you are. Wherever you are, know that our community is here to support you every step of the way.

Here’s to pride, joy, and the beautiful families we create. Sending all the love and baby dust your way! 💖🌈👶

Note: I earn from qualifying purchases made through the affiliate links in this post.